.....................................................................................................................................
Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept of
Health and Human Services.
Now think about this:
Guns
(A) The number of gun owners in the U.S. is 80,000,000.
(B) The number of accidental gun deaths
per year, all age groups, is 1,500.
(C) The number of accidental deaths
per gun owner is .0000188
Statistics courtesy of FBI
So,statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.
Remember, 'Guns don't kill people, doctors do.
'
FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN,
Almost everyone has at least one doctor.
This means you are over 9,000 times more likely to be killed by a doctor as by a gun owner!!!
Please alert your friends of this alarming threat.We must ban doctors before this gets completely out of hand!!!!!
Out of concern for the public at large,
We withheld the statistics on
lawyers for fear the shock would cause, and cause people to panic and seek medical attention!
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A pipe burst in a doctor's house. He called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed the doctor a bill for $600.
The doctor exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don't even make that much as a doctor!."
The plumber quietly answered, "Neither did I when I was a doctor."
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A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral.
A 'huge heart' covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service. Following the eulogy, the huge heart opened, and the cardiologists' casket rolled inside. The heart then closed sealing the cardiologist within the beautiful heart forever.
One of the mourners burst into laughter. When confronted, he said:
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral ----
I'm a gynecologist."
At that point, the proctologist fainted.
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Your Duck is Dead--
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."
The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet..
"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the duck from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.
The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$1500!" > she cried, "$1500 just to tell me my duck is dead!" The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $1500."
Mental Health Hotline
The Harley Mechanic and Cardiologist
A mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Harley
motorcycle when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop.
The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and
take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage.
"Hey, Doc, want to take a look at this?"
The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic
was working on the motorcycle.
The mechanics straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and ask, "So
Doc, look at this engine. I open it’s heart, take the valves out, repair any
damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like
new. So how come I make $39,675 a year and you get the really big bucks, probably $350,000 or more, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"
The cardiologist paused, smiled and leaned over, then whispered to the
Mechanic . . . “Try doing it with the engine running."
