Economy-One-Liners

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Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel
has been turned off

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The economy is so bad

that I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail. I ordered a burger at McDonalds and the kid behind the counter asked,  "Can you afford fries with that? That CEO's are now playing miniature golf. if the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them. Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM. McDonalds is selling the 1/4 ouncer. Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names. A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico . Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting. Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.      The Mafia is laying off judges. Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen. And  finally.. Congress says they are looking into this Bernie Madoff scandal. Oh Great!!  The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!   Fight organized crime: Re-elect no one!

Other Really good One Liners

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

- He was lost in thought because it was unfamiliar territory.

- Nothing is really foolproof for a sufficiently talented fool.

- "Nobody goes where the crowds are anymore. It's too crowded." - Yogi Berra

- "Why is it when we talk to God we're praying, but when God talks to us, we're schizophrenic?" - Lily Tomlin

- "I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve it by not dying." - Woody Allen

- He started out with nothing, and he still has most of it.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

- It was decided that his sole purpose in life was to serve as a bad example.

- If at first you don't succeed, skydiving may not be for you.

- If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

- Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?

- Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

- The philosopher was laying in bed one night, looking up at the moon, and he thought to himself, "Where the heck is my ceiling?"

- He doesn't suffer from stress - he's a carrier

.- And if I was getting smart with you, how would you know?

- How can there be self-help "groups"?

- Is there another word for 'synonym'?

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.

What is invisable and smells like carrots?
Rabbit farts.

One Liner Definitions

ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye.

CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.

INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN: A grape with a sunburn.

SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.

SKELETON: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.

WRINKLES: Something other people have, Similar to my character lines.